ENTER THE LIAR

13-10-2018



Hey there. How do I put this; I’m kind of hard to explain. I’d like to say I know myself better than you know me, but that wouldn’t be correct. I’d also like to say that I am the person you think you know, but I can’t (Confused? Same).

The truth is I’m a fucking liar; a master deceiver; as fake as those Gucci slip-ons your cousins’ mates wear. Look I’ve been straight up lying to you, and myself, for as long as I can remember. (Well at least that’s how I feel anyway).

How, you ask? We’ll get to that.

A lot of people see an over confident, over arrogant, over groomed, C Grade singer that’s selfish in attention and over promotes himself. (Don’t get me wrong, looking from the outside in I’d probably think the same. Wait.. is that judgement what you see? or is that what I see? Or is that only what I think you see? See how fucking confusing this shit is).

Welcome to my anxiety. Yep.. that seemingly over confident fella you see doing his thing over there is actually freaking the fuck out right now.

Society: “Oh but nah hes just arrogant, he’s got his head down and is too cool to interact with people”

Ever thought of the fact that that person is feeling like a fucking alien and is scared they’re being ridiculed for every single aspect of their existence? That they aren’t good enough for anything or anyone? That’s not me.. just asking for a friend.

See it’s hard to admit. Admitting it is accepting it. And accepting it means you are all the shit that society paints you to be. Sook. Emo. Giver of bad energy. Full of negativity. Hold too much baggage. Damaged. Broken.

Honestly, I’m all of those things some times. Fuck society, seriously. If I can’t be who I am around you then you’re not worth being around, don’t you agree? Daaaaamn it took me a long time to realise this seemingly obvious concept and actually action it. (I still am in the process if I’m being honest, true growth can take time)

See you can be told something a thousand times but it won’t make a difference and it won’t stick until you connect with it. It took time and experience for me to connect with this shit. I’m envious of the people who find it young but honestly I’m just glad I’m here now, stronger.


"ENTER THE LIAR"



Ever since I can remember I’ve tried to be someone else. Always trying to fit in or stay relevant or please certain people; trying to please everyone except myself. Living this fictitious life that’s actually non-fictitious, a harsh reality that causes your whole persona to be fake. How many steps is too far? Where’s the point of no return?

The longer time went on, the more I’d try to change, the more I’d bury the real me. It’s all I’ve known my whole life and has made me who I am today. A 26 year old who can’t seem to connect to reality, can’t seem to grow up and is controlled by depths of anxiety and depression.

I’m so caught in the middle that I almost can’t function. But that’s a story for another time.


Welcome to my mind x


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JESSE

TEINAKI