a moment in time


13th December 2019 - It’s my birthday today. Feeling like I have a functioning body of a 48 year old, the maturity of an 8 year old but I’m actually 28 years old today... and you can call me crazy, but I honestly feel like I’m running out of time.

I always thought by this age I’d have my shit together. What does having my shit together entail you ask? Right in this very moment I don’t even know the answer to that myself. But I can tell you that I used to think that by 25 I’d be settling down, engaged, paying off my own house, hold a seat in the chair of my dream career, and have just basic life functionality. Anyway that 25-year-old milestone was 3 years ago now... 3 years ago? WTF is that. Not only did I not reach what I thought I would by the age I thought I would, but it’s also been a further 3 years and I’m not where I thought I would be. Now this is all kinds of fucked up... or is it?

Okay first point to make here is that, yes, while having goals is great and a near necessity in a lot of points in your life; I also feel like these goal posts need to adjust and move as you do. They need to progress accordingly to your desires and needs, and are directly impacted by your actions/life moves.

So in saying that - if you were to ask me some time ago - are those goals you once set for yourself still set in concrete and do you feel a failure for not having reached them? The answer would once have been yes. It was a yes for the last 5 years. The years leading up to 25 stressing me the fuck out, because I wasn’t looking like I was nearing or reaching those goals anytime soon and that time was soon approaching. Also for years after the milestone was reached I felt the constant wrath of failure taking over my body and consuming my mindset.

I felt defeated for a long time and wasn’t looking like I was veering in any other direction soon.

Then perspective came into play and everything changed.

Ask me right now - are those goals you once set for yourself still set in concrete and do you feel a failure for not have reaching them? No, not at all - and I haven't failed myself at all. Don't get me wrong, these goals still hold validity and I still see them in my inevitable future, but the timing has changed. If I had progressed into the life I thought I was going to by the age I thought I was going to, then I wouldn't have achieved all the things that I have in my life so far. I wouldn't have learnt the things I've learnt or earned what mindsets I have earned. I have gained an experience of life which I am SO grateful for each and every day and it's all due to pursuing the relevant goals at the relevant times. Looking back on it now I can also see that everything is happening at its correct time and if I'm being completely truthful I still feel like, for me, I'm a few years off reaching the point of even chasing those goals. As my goal posts currently align elsewhere.

But am I taking too long to action shit? I mean I’m 28 now... in a couple of years I’ll be 30 and who says I’ll even be ready by then? In my parent’s generation this would’ve been considered too old to start cultivating family life. Am I leaving it too late? Have I been distracted and doing everything all wrong? Am I running out of time? Or is time on my side?

Time is a funny thing.

For one person a certain amount of time can pass by in the blink of an eye. For another, the same amount of time can drag on longer than the credits at the end of a Marvel movie as you wait impatiently for that last little snippet of the next one.

One person can be making the most of their moments as their time is spent with gratitude (which is what I feel is the greatest currency known to humanity). While another person can be wasting those precious seconds, minutes, hours as they spend time without gratitude, throwing away what they will one day regret.
(Side Bar: Don’t sit back and think I mean taking time for yourself and time to relax is wasting time - we’ll cover that more soon)

How many cases can you think of where you’ve heard someone tell a story which involves them wishing they had more time, period. Wished they devoted more time to a passion or a hobby. Wished they devoted more time to family or other loved ones. Wished they spent more time with those loved ones before they lost them. Wished they had just that little bit more time before their own time was up. When you truly think about it - time correlates directly to your heart’s desires and soul’s requirements (I have a few points to make with this).

Firstly, you appreciate time and you’re most grateful for it when you spend it directly with what stimulates you to your core. Quality time with a loved one. Quality time pursuing your passion/hobby. Quality time investing in yourself and in self-care. Quality time doing whatever the hell it is that makes you happy man… that’s all it is. How do you make the most of your time? Do shit that makes you happy.

Next, your mind instantly recognises the quantity of time you spend whether it’s for better or for worse. Sentiments like “I’m so glad we got to catch up and spend all that time together”, and thought of “You’re going away soon so let’s spend as much time together as we can until then”, and even holding remorse in “I wish I had spent more time with them” - it all links directly to the purity of your heart and soul’s requirements.

So if you think about it in this broken down form, one after the other, then you can see that the solution is - spending the greater quantity of your time in such a way that you can look back on it in the future and be able to back yourself. Like yeah I’m glad I spent time doing that because now I’m here, or because now I’ve learnt this, or because now I don’t have the time to do that anymore so I did it when I could. For me - I'm glad I've spent X amount of time on myself. Learning myself, finding ways to improve myself and healing.

The saying of “Live like it's your last day on Earth” completely refers to this type of lifestyle. It doesn't mean go off and do heaps of temporary spike in adrenaline type shit. It means make your seconds count. Live a life that embraces what your heart and soul truly desires for true and pure happiness.

If you can adopt this mentality, then you'll find (like I did) that time is irrelevant. Yes, it's a requirement for a lot of things in life but when it comes to your desired lifestyle I truly feel like it's a burdened boundary that holds you back from unleashing your full potential. I learnt this when I began focusing purely on solely needing to reach my goal rather than focusing on the needing to get somewhere by a certain time. All I did was focus on the time aspect more so than the goal, a distraction which ironically took me further from my goals.

This is just my current perspective. It will change. Different stages of life call for different perspectives. I'm not saying this shit so you do what I say. I just want you to think about it. Don't put so much pressure on yourself.

Live your life to the fullest x