I remember darkness and pain. I was trapped in the deepest darkest hole and could not get out. I was numb. I felt nothing but the gravitational urge to give up. I hated my life, I hated myself. I wanted out, as I faced a confronting ultimatum. Improve my life; or end my life.

From the depths, I chose to improve my life.

Against all odds and the dismal fate that I had been served (as it seemed), I decided to finally take a stand against the dark wolf and make life better.

(Thank fuck, right!)
How did I muster the strength when all I wanted to do was either harm myself, hide, or end things? To be honest, I don’t really know. I can’t pinpoint the moment…

Maybe it was the thought of my family, how sad they would be. Maybe it was my friends. Maybe it was that my purpose in life was not yet fulfilled. Maybe I flipped a coin. Maybe I read some random guy’s Blog post and it gave me hope. I honestly can’t remember - but I am SO glad I did.

Then, of course, my brain flooded me with challenges:
Yeah cool JT! so you decide you want to make your life better.. that’s great.

But now what, huh?
You know it won’t be easy right?
You know you’ll have to work on it every day!
You know you’ll get distracted!
You know you could forget what you’re reaching for!
You know the dark wolf will chase you!
You know this will be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do!
You know all this, right?

But I chose to fight through it all, because I knew it would be worth it. 

So, it was time to get to work! To take accountability for choice and action, and make a plan. How would I stay focused? How was I going to stay on the right path? What would keep me accountable on this journey towards light? I knew I wanted to make my life better. I knew I needed something to keep me on task.

It was in that moment, I picked up a permanent marker and wrote MLB on the back of my left hand. Make Life Better; it was the most prominent thought in my mind at the time.

An overwhelming call to action; a will to live. It would symbolise my fight. It would symbolise my willingness to improve myself. It became a symbol of my courage and my positive growth. I knew it would fade and wear away, and that I would need to re-ink it constantly; it was the perfect commitment to making my life better.

The courage, strength and hope that I gained every time I saw it, re-inked it, or talked about it, was everything I needed to keep me on the right path.

I honestly feel as though these three simple letters saved my life. Best believe when I reached my goal and rubbed those three fucking letters off the back of my hand, I felt invincible It felt permanent. The dark wolf couldn’t fuck with me anymore. I felt whole. I felt light. I felt free.

I had always known the strength of my mind’s negativity. Though, I learned over time that my mind’s positivity was SO much stronger. (It’s kinda like a Monster’s Inc. Scream/Laugh scenario – yeah, you know what I’m talkin’ about)

Now I ask this of you. If you are in need of a better life, If you know someone who needs to make their life better and you want to show your support, Or you just want to show your support anyway - Write MLB on the back of your left hand in permanent marker. Encourage others to do the same. Let’s stand together Let’s fight together. Let’s succeed together. Humanity can, and will win.

MLB - Make Life Better